and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
