so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
