she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
