I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize