Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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