i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
