At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
