i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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