i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
