They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
