the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
