He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
