I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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