Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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