break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
