Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
