I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
