Your dad touched me again.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
