i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
