Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I want to be your penis for a week.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
