i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
