I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
