I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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