Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
