He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
