it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
