Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize