went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize