we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did I show you my penis last night?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am one with the molecules
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
