We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
