Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
