im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
