I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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