I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
