Tell her she can't have a vagina
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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