By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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