man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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