Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
