I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The feeling are messing with the penis
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
