I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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