even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
