Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
