i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
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