I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
