so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
