I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
