eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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