quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
