dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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