at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
