he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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