i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize