TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
