i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
