ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
