i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Boobs are out for the taking
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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