I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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