Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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