Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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