Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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