whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
