Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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