Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
