i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
