he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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