just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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