I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
