D3 body, D1 cock
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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