Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
