If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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