How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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