I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize