I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
