Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
