PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Soap is not a condiment
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
