I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
