He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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