she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The power of my boobs compel you
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
