Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
