I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
