What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
