I want to make a zoo with you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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