Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
