Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
