I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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