i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
